"Twas the Night Before the SBC Convention…”

Many of our clients are descending upon Dallas, Texas this week for the Southern Baptist Convention. It’s currently underway at the Kay Bailey Hutchinson Convention Center in Dallas where about 20,000 of Chick-fil-A’s most ardent supporters will congregate. This four-day conference is expected to be just as lively as it was in previous years, and though we could not make it this week, one of our Associates had a little fun over the weekend and asked an Ai engine to compose a satirical piece in honor of this annual event. 

Enjoy! 

"Twas the Night Before the SBC Convention…"

Twas the night before SBC, and all through the Metroplex,
Not a pastor was sleeping—just scrolling their X.
The tweets were a-flying with hot takes and flair,
In hopes that their followers soon would all care.

The lanyards were hung by the Sheraton with pride,
With hopes of a book deal (or podcast invite).
And my spouse in her earbuds, and I with mine too,
Had just settled in for a three-hour review.

When out on my feed there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to my laptop I flew like a flash,
Tore open the browser and braced for the bash.

The algorithm fed me a wild, fresh fight,
Of who’s in the room and whose doctrine ain’t right.
When what to my weary eyes did appear,
But a thread of disclaimers (with a side of a sneer).

With little ol’ bloggers, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment they’d make the news stick.
More rapid than beagles, the retweets they came,
And they whistled and shouted and called folks by name:

"Now Piper! Now Mohler! Now Greear and JD!
Now Ascol! Now Litton! Now even my Beth Moore!”
To the top of the trending, to the front of the hall,
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As speculation before the Convention will fly,
When they meet with a gavel, it all multiplies.
So up to the meeting the pastors they flew,
With pocket New Testaments—and hot takes too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard from the stage,
The scratching and scrawling of bylaws on page.
As I leaned in my seat and was turning around,
Down came the motions with a thunderous sound.

They were dressed in fresh polos, from Lifeway’s own rack,
And each had a notebook (and sometimes a snack).

A bundle of ballots they had in their hand,
Prepared to contend where they firmly would stand.

Their eyes—how they twinkled! Their tweets—oh how merry!
Their blogs were like scrolls that one ought not to carry.
Their sharp little phones were drawn out with care,
In hopes of a soundbite to share everywhere.

The messengers gathered and gaveled the room,
While Twitter outside foretold pending doom.
But amidst all the drama, the songs still arose,
And the gospel of Jesus was faithfully told.

So ere I log off, as I say with delight:
“Happy SBC to all, and to all a good fight!”

Disclaimer: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this post, are solely those of the anonymous Associate derived from their collaboration with an Ai engine and may or may not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Gideon Law Firm, partners, its affiliates, or any other individuals associated with our firm or The Ministry Wire. Any content provided by our bloggers, contributors, or users is their opinion, and they are responsible for the accuracy, completeness, and validity of their statements. The Ministry Wire does not guarantee the accuracy or reliability of any opinions expressed in the content.