The What If Journal: Reflections from a Leader in Progress
What I Learned This Week: The Conflict Beneath the Silence
I sat with a leader this week who was wrestling with conflict on his team. At first, it looked like the usual friction you’d expect when people with different personalities and priorities work together. But the more we peeled back the layers, the clearer it became: the real issue wasn’t the conflict itself — it was the lack of communication underneath it.
Instead of addressing tensions when they came up, team members had been trying to keep everyone happy, avoiding the hard conversations in the moment. On the surface, that seemed like the easier path. But over time, it had built a foundation of frustration, unspoken expectations, and even some resentment. What looked like “keeping the peace” was actually creating an undercurrent of dangerous feelings.
As I listened, I found myself encouraging him to lean into what he was most tempted to avoid: the hard conversation. Not to bulldoze, not to “win,” but to embrace the awkward moment and push through it with humility. To go in with questions like: How can I become better? Where do I need to own my role in this tension? How can I invite others to speak into me first — with honesty, humility, and respect?
Because here’s the truth: God never called us to be peace-keepers. He called us to be peace-makers. Peace-keeping avoids, delays, and pretends. Peace-making leans in, speaks truth, and pursues restoration — even when it’s uncomfortable.
The Leadership Reflection
Conflict is inevitable. Avoiding it doesn’t make it disappear; it only buries it deeper. Leadership means being willing to go first — to risk discomfort for the sake of health. And the posture we bring matters just as much as the words we say. Humility opens doors that defensiveness will always slam shut.
This has huge implications beyond the workplace. Families and relationships often fracture — NOT because of what happened, but because of what went unsaid. A lack of honest, humble communication leaves cracks that widen over time. But when we choose to pursue peace — intentionally, directly, and with love — we create space for trust and healing.
The What If
What if you stopped trying to “keep the peace” this week, and instead stepped into a moment of (potentially awkward) honesty and humility — at work, in your church, or even around your own dinner table — all with the goal of making peace?