The What If Journal: Reflections from a Leader in Progress
What I Learned This Week: What If No One’s Actually Thinking About You?
I was at the airport this week, people-watching between flights. It struck me how little I was actually “judging” anyone—except maybe the folks wearing pajamas in public (definitely some judgment there).
But it got me thinking: how much of my life do I spend worrying about what others might be thinking about me, when in reality, they’re not thinking about me at all? Most people are just trying to make their flight, find a plug for their charger, or get through their own day without spilling their coffee.
If you actually pause and think about it, it’s kind of arrogant to assume you’re the object of someone else’s thoughts or attention. We all live in our own little orbits—preoccupied with our own needs, insecurities, and to-do lists—yet somehow convince ourselves that everyone else is orbiting around us. It’s a subtle kind of pride, wrapped in insecurity.
And yet, I catch myself doing it all the time. I “pre-edit” conversations, emails, and even my tone in meetings, trying to manage how I’ll be perceived. I spend an inordinate amount of time “judging myself on others’ behalf”—before a conversation, before walking out the door, (maybe even before writing a blog post like this one). I write it off as self-awareness, but a lot of the time it’s still just pride.
The Leadership Reflection
In ministry and leadership, this mindset shows up everywhere. We can end up leading from performance instead of purpose. We spend energy managing perceptions, curating our image, and making sure we come across as competent, confident, and composed. It’s not that those things are bad—but they can quietly shift our motivation from service to self-protection.
And it’s exhausting. Because when our worth depends on others’ opinions, our leadership becomes a constant performance review.
The truth is, God never called us to live or lead that way. He never asked us to prove ourselves to Him—or to anyone else. When we choose to follow Christ, his approval has already been secured. That means we can lead, speak, and serve from a place of freedom instead of striving.
But let’s be honest: that’s much easier said than done. I’d love to tell you I live fully from that truth every day, but I don’t. Old habits die hard, and the pull to perform is strong. I often catch myself editing myself in real time, trying to anticipate how I’ll be perceived.
If you’ve somehow figured out how to live completely free from what others think, please send me your notes. I’m still a leader in progress—learning, unlearning, and relearning what it means to live from God’s approval rather than chasing everyone else’s.
The What If
What if we worked from the approval of God rather than for it—and for the benefit of others rather than their applause?