The Unseen Keys to Being Dad
Being dad is one of the greatest things you can possibly do. It is entirely possible that your truest calling in life from God is to be a husband and to be a father. Any man can father a child, but a real man learns to be dad. A large part of being dad to your kids is going to go unseen, unrealized, and somewhat unremarkable until your kids are much older. Don’t let the hidden nature of these things stop you from being the best dad that you can be. The best you can be is a dad that doesn’t seek a bunch of recognition, but the one that is consistently and lovingly there in all sorts of ways for your kids. And most of those ways will feel underrated in the moment, but they will create a great foundation for your kids as they grow into adulthood.
Create a Feeling of Security
Whether you realize it or not, your presence in the home helps create a sense of security. Call it old fashioned, out of date, or even sexist - it still does. When you are there to help with things, take care of things, speak into things, and to help calm things it gives your family a secure sense that may not be there without your presence. That might not work the same if your presence creates chaos in the home. But proper presence can promote peace with your family. That is not stated with the intention of creating guilt to the dad who has to travel for work. In those cases it may be that you have to be creative with how you are present as much as possible. But be intentional about being present as much as you can. It is an unseen comfort to your family.
Give memories not things
Take time to play with your kids. Wrestle on the floor. Throw the ball around outside. Have a tea party. Use vacation time to do trips with your family. Go to the beach. Go to the mountains. Go to theme parks. Go to a lake house on an oversized pond in southern Michigan. Just go together as a family. Find ways to make memories together. You might be worn out from a hard day, but making time to play with your kids will create a lasting memory of love and enjoyment. It will help them feel safe with you and teach them how to do that for their kids later. Don’t make things, items, gifts, and the like the center of your attention to them. Don’t just buy them stuff. Don’t not buy them stuff either, but do that at Christmas and birthdays. Make the time about being together rather than devices and stuff.
Have fun and laugh
Laughter is a tremendous gift. Having fun together as a family is an amazing unseen key to being dad. It could be playing cards. Telling jokes together. Go for the gusto and become a dad joke champion. Ambush your kids with water balloons and water guns. Not in the house, do that one outside. Tell stories. Share stories from your childhood. Laugh together. Be silly sometimes. Your kids need to hear you laugh and have fun with them.
Build solid boundaries
Believe it or not, your kids are good self-managers. It takes a while before they are able to understand and build their own healthy life boundaries. There are a number of boundaries you need to hold them to with love. One is to respect and support mom. Even if you find yourself in a co-parent situation you need to find a way to show respect to mom, and expect the same from the kids. Give them boundaries when it comes to devices, internet, and social media. Help them develop healthy habits in their life. Now, the thing about this one is that not only is it unseen, it can often be unwanted at the time by your kids. Only when they are much older will they realize the impact of it.
Be an example
The Bible says a lot about imitation. Throughout the New Testament there is an admonishment for believers to imitate their leaders as those leaders imitate Jesus. Of course, the converse is true, if the leader is not imitating Jesus then don’t waste time imitating them. As dad, you are the greatest example there can be for your kids. Is your life right now worth imitating? That doesn’t mean it is perfect, but is it worth your kids growing up to be like you? If you son grew up to be just like you, would you be proud? Be an example of what you want to see your children become. Set an example of what kind of man you want your daughter to marry. Be an example of the kind of husband you want your son to be. You won’t get all of it right. When you mess up be honest about it and talk with your kids about it. Show them what it means to take ownership. It will feel unseen, but will make a huge difference in your family.
Being dad is tough. Its tougher if you aren’t intentional about it. Most of your success as dad will be in doing the unseen things well. It doesn’t take grand fanfare and hoopla to be a good dad. It takes daily time and loving fun moments. Don’t try to be someone else. Be the best you that you can be. It will make all the difference to your kids.