What I Learned This Week: When I Deferred Instead of Dealt With It
The What If Journal: Reflections from a leader in progress
Here’s a question I’ve been sitting with lately: What’s the last thing I deferred responsibility on instead of actually dealing with it?
I don’t mean something I forgot. I mean something I knew I needed to address — a conversation, a decision, a follow-up — and consciously pushed off. Not because I didn’t care, but because dealing with it felt inconvenient, uncomfortable, or heavy in the moment.
I find myself doing this more often than I’d like to admit. I’ll tell myself things like, “I just need a little more clarity,” or “I’ll circle back to that next week,” or “Now’s not the right time.” And sometimes that’s true. But often, it’s just a nicer way of saying, I don’t want to deal with this right now.
What makes it tricky is that deferring responsibility can feel responsible. It sounds thoughtful. Measured. Patient. But more often than not, it’s avoidance dressed up as wisdom.
And the longer something sits unattended, the heavier it becomes.
The Leadership Reflection
I’ve written before about the importance of embracing the awkward — leaning into the uncomfortable moments instead of sidestepping them. This is one of those places where that idea really matters.
Leadership doesn’t just show up in the big, visible moments. It shows up in the quiet decision to deal with what’s in front of you — especially when it would be easier to push it off. Embracing the awkward often looks like initiating the conversation you don’t want to have, sending the follow-up you’ve been avoiding, or naming the tension that everyone feels but no one wants to say out loud.
When I defer responsibility, I don’t actually remove the burden. I just carry it longer. It stays in the back of my mind, pops up at inconvenient times, and quietly drains energy. What could’ve been handled in ten intentional minutes turns into weeks of low-grade anxiety.
This shows up everywhere. In leadership, it looks like not addressing tension on a team and hoping it resolves itself. In marriage, it looks like letting something small go unsaid because it feels easier in the moment. In parenting, it looks like postponing a conversation because we’re tired — even though we know it matters.
Embracing the awkward doesn’t guarantee instant resolution. But it almost always leads to clarity, relief, and movement.
The What If
What if the thing weighing on you most right now isn’t complicated at all — it’s just waiting for you to embrace the awkward and deal with it?