The Difficult Realities of Marriage: Part 1

A week or so ago my son called me. It is rather unusual for one of our boys to call in the middle of the day. Like every parent I had that immediate moment of concern as to why the call is coming. He had gotten home from work and the upstairs was hot, too hot. The a/c appeared to be out. Not the first time for us as a family to experience such a thing. I hesitate to think it would be the last. Unfortunately difficult things happen in life. In this case, the capacitor was out in the condenser unit outside. A couple hundred bucks to install a ten dollar part and we were back in the cooling business. It would have been way neater to have a flux capacitor in it that would let us travel in time. Way, way neater. But life has its ups and it has its downs. There are uncomfortable and difficult moments that are just a part of it. the one above could have been way worse. Thankfully it was a small issue this time. Marriage has its unexpected realities. Every one has them. To see marriage last, we all have to approach these things with maturity.

Chances are, shortly into marriage, you realized it isn’t all rainbows and puppy dogs all the time. Might have even discovered it before the honeymoon was over. But, regardless, the honeymoon ended at some point. Every marriage encounters disagreements, miscommunications, arguments, setbacks, stress and friction. It is a part of the life being built together. You are not weird, wrong, or headed the opposite direction of good if these things happen. What matters is how you prepare for these things and how you handle them when they do occur. That, in a big way, is what a biblical covenant of marriage is all about. God has declared marriage to be an example and reminder to all of us of His inexhaustible covenant love for us. Pretty much most days in marriage don’t feel like a fairytale. You aren’t wrong for that. But you can begin to see more fairytale days by being prepared for the difficult realities of marriage.

Money Issues

It really doesn’t matter how much or how little of it you have. You will have money issues in marriage. This particular issue is one where God’s tremendous sense of humor seems to show up. In a general sense, God made two types of money people. You are either a saver or a spender. And somehow, through the miracle of God, the opposites manage to find each other, fall in love, and get married. I have a friend that just can’t be comfortable about his family finances if there isn’t over $30,000 in the bank at all times. I have others that seem completely fine with $0.30 in the bank at any time. Money isn’t the problem. It is the heart towards it that can make all the difference. 

There will be disagreement over what to spend, when to spend, whether to incur debt, and so many other things that involve money. It isn’t bad; it’s normal. But develop a money plan together that you are both comfortable with following. It takes healthy communication and trust to do so. Set a budget. Set an amount for the both of you out of each budget cycle that is “fun money.” You get to spend that amount without any concern or worry about how it is used. Seek out good counsel on how to set that budget if you are not sure. Agree on an amount that if you have an non-essential expense that is above it you will talk with your spouse and come to agreement before moving forward. While you are at it, you should probably agree what is and is not an essential expense. 

Money and the attitude towards it will bring stress into your married life. It is a part of it. We get to choose our response to the stressor. God has gifted you not just money, but resources because of that money that you are called to steward. Money can easily become an idol to you, but it can also become an area of waste as well. Left unchecked it will become a very difficult challenge to overcome in your marriage. Don’t wait until money becomes a monster in your marriage. Start the conversation early and often about how you will deal with it together.

This article is part 1 of taking a look at these difficult realities. Keep an eye out for more articles to come…