What I Learned This Week: When Someone Else’s Success Bothers You

The What If Journal: Reflections from a leader in progress

I’ve got to be honest — there are times when someone else’s success frustrates me. I wish it didn’t, but it does. A friend hits a big milestone, another pastor’s ministry takes off, someone’s project gets traction, or a leader I admire gets an opportunity I would’ve loved…and something inside me tightens.

And if I’m really honest, it’s usually not about them at all. It’s about me. I wish that success was mine.

The more I’ve noticed this in myself, the more I’ve started to notice it everywhere — especially in the church world. Instead of celebrating someone else’s momentum, there’s this subtle reflex toward criticism. Instead of leading with curiosity, we lead with suspicion. Instead of asking “What can I learn from this?” we jump to “I bet their motives aren’t pure…” or “Well, I don’t like how they do it…”

In a polarized world, the church shouldn’t be the most divided voice in the room, yet sometimes it feels that way. And here’s the part that’s been hitting me lately: a lot of what gets labeled as “theological concern” is actually just preference in disguise. When the outrage gets stripped back, it’s not about doctrine — it’s about style, personality, and personal preference.

And that realization brought me straight back to my own brokenness.

●      How often do I criticize based on preference?

●      How often do I dismiss someone because I wouldn’t do it their way?

●      How often do I miss the beauty of what God is doing in someone else’s ministry because I’m too focused on comparing it to my own?

What if instead of critiquing from a distance, I led with curiosity? What if I assumed the best? What if I looked for what God was doing in them instead of immediately measuring it against myself?

Because when I lead with curiosity, I almost always find something worth celebrating. I discover a part of the body of Christ I needed but didn’t know I was missing. I see a different gift, a new perspective, or a unique approach that expands my own understanding.

And when I lead with criticism? I shrink. My world shrinks. My faith shrinks. My joy shrinks.

The Leadership Reflection

The church needs more champions than critics. More people cheering for gospel movement than nitpicking stylistic preferences. More people asking, “How is God at work here?” instead of “Why isn’t it happening my way?”

Yes, absolutely — we must guard sound doctrine. That matters deeply. But guarding doctrine is not the same as guarding our preferences. The former protects the gospel; the latter protects our ego.

And if I’m not careful, my ego can sound incredibly spiritual. It can hide behind “discernment,” “concern,” and “just asking questions.” But underneath? Envy. Insecurity. Comparison.

I don’t want to be that kind of leader. I don’t want the church to be that kind of people. I want to live with an open-handed, open-hearted posture — curious, joyful, and ready to champion the work of God in others, even when it’s different from what He’s doing in me.

The What If

What if, instead of criticizing based on preference, we chose to champion God’s people and the gospel — celebrating His work in others with genuine curiosity and joy?