Feeling Well
Emotions, or what you are feeling at any given time, are an important asset to the leader. Treating your emotions like a distraction, or something to be forcefully ignored, will cause you to miss out on a valuable tool in the leadership arsenal. Understanding your own emotions, what triggers certain ones, and how to utilize them are all a part of having an emotional quotient, or EQ. Working to develop and track your own emotional data will help you build a greater report with your team. It isn’t about crying, or being all touchy-feely. You might find yourself talking to HR in all of that. Emotional intelligence will help you lead your team better and even lead yourself better, which is huge for any great leader. Here are some ways to add EQ to your IQ and better develop your toolbelt.
Feel Your Emotions
Okay, sounds silly. But feel them. Name them. Identify them. Maybe not right in the middle of the meeting, or the blow up, or whatever else it is that is causing you to feel something. Let yourself feel them and give space to understanding what you are feeling and why. Of course, recognize that the why might not be a legitimate excuse to feel that particular emotion, especially in the ones like anger, or distrust. Don’t forget ones that seem counterintuitive like not caring, aloofness, or numbness. Those are real emotions as well. Don’t gloss over them, but don’t let them take control either. Giving them a vague, or undefined, label won’t help. Seek to both name what you are feeling and identify what the root of the feeling is.
What Message?
Your emotions are wonderful messengers of what you are feeling and how you respond to stress, or stimulae. They are horrible definers of truth. Make sure you recognize the difference. The way you emotionally respond to a situation tells you all sorts of important information. Perhaps it will relate to a deeply held value, or need. It might be that it triggers a long held subconscious memory of anxiety, frustration or hurt. Recognizing the reality of the emotional response and then digging into the message of the response allows you to learn from it and grow. Normalizing and learning from your own emotions will help you begin to see the same in others.
Model Healthy Emotions
Modeling a healthy approach to emotions is tricky. The idea is not to overshare. People don’t need to know every detail of every thing that you feel. Taking this step will allow there to be a better engagement amongst the team during stressful times. It creates better development of staff. It invites better staff meetings where actual accomplishment and decision-making can take place. Greater trust in each other develops. Again, emotions are not truth tellers. They help you understand how and why you are responding to a given situation. A poor understanding of emotions can lead to false presumptions about others, or failure to speak up when things are not right.
The right attitude towards your emotions can make a huge difference in your leadership ability. It will move your lid higher. Take time to reflect, especially after tense interactions, to reflect through the emotions of the time. What did you feel in response to the situation? Why did you feel that? What exactly is it that led to you feeling that emotion? Does that emotion have grounding in past issues, or relationships? Was it the right response to that situation? Taking time to do these things will help you grow your emotional intelligence and health. It will make you better.