Keeping Your Family a Priority

It always seemed a bit odd that one career path that demands a strong and vibrant family life is also one that often gives little to no time for it to happen. With demands on your time, schedule, and all sorts of other things, the church can often feel like it is taking life away instead of adding to it. As a pastor, the one thing you can’t afford to lose is your family. As a pastor you are going to find tension between the church and your family. Both are going to demand your time and you are going to have to make intentional decisions about which side you will have to limit. You are either going to cheat your church members, or you are going to cheat your family. There is not another way. The demands change over time as kids grow older and mature. But someone is going to suffer. You will be faced with the decision of who to prioritize over the other. It is going to happen. Thinking about this and planning in advance will help you thrive in both arenas.

 

The following are ideas and thoughts on how to keep your family a priority in the midst of being a pastor. It isn’t that these will be a miracle cure, or even be the answer to things you are facing. Hopefully, at least, these will give you thoughts on how to keep your family at the top of your list instead of an afterthought. The point is that God is going to hold you accountable for how you lead your family before ever asking how you led the church.

 

Make One Evening a Week Untouchable

Designate one evening a week as a non-negotiable night that you will be home and with your family. Maybe make every Friday night a pizza and movie night. Order a pizza. Pick a family friendly movie and put your phones away. 

 

Keep Dating Your Spouse

This is just as much a marriage suggestion as it anything else. Your kids ought to see you and your spouse continue to take time together and love each other. Keeping time together can be a challenge with kids and a church wanting time. Your dates should not be stopping by church events, or group get together. Take intentional time together. Typically take Friday off? Make Friday a date day/morning with your spouse. 

 

Be Present When Present

When you are home with your family, at the game watching a kid play, or any other sort of time actually be aware of what is going on. Cheer for your kid and the rest of the team. Listen to what is going on and being said. Don’t be on your phone answering emails, or texts. Yes, emergencies come up, but lots of things can wait for a response. Lots of things really are not urgent. Being present will require boundaries be set and help to. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it. 

 

Take Them Up On It

As your kids get older they will stop talking to you. It will happen. It will be okay. But they, especially your teen, will suddenly decide to talk at random times unexpectedly. Don’t put them off. Take the time to listen to and hear them. It might be 11:00 PM and you are tired. Take the moment to hear them and let them share. Trying to push them, or force them, into conversations will be difficult and there will be times that you will have to push it. The best conversations happen when they take the initiative. Take the chance and take them up on it.

 

Communicate Clearly

Success will require good and clear communication with both sides of this coin. Your church leadership will need to know the desire and expectations. Your family will also need to hear your heart and plans. There will be bumps along the road. Own them. When something happens and you slip up make sure you are honest and apologize. 

 

There are lots of ways to maintain your family as a priority as a pastor. Hopefully these few ideas will help you come up with a plan for how you can make it happen.

Brian Hatcher

Brian grew up outside of Fort Worth, TX. At the age of 15 his life was dramatically changed by Jesus after being invited to church by the person he called after attempting to take his own life. A year after beginning to follow Jesus he was called into ministry. He went to Oklahoma Baptist University (OBU) where he completed a Bachelor of Arts in Ministry with a special emphasis on Biblical Languages along with a minor in Business Administration. He went on to complete a Master of Arts in Theology at Southwestern Theological Seminary with a thesis on Karl Barth’s Trinitarian theology. Brian has served on church staffs in the areas of discipleship, administration, men’s ministry, and education for over 20 years in Texas, Georgia, Missouri, and Tennessee. Brian met his wife Jaclyn at OBU and they have been married for more than 25 years. Together they are parents to three boys, two dogs, and a host of birds in the backyard that depend on them for food. Brian is passionate about helping people get to know the Jesus he has gotten to know over these years. He is an avid woodworker, is almost undefeated at Wii golf on the Nintendo Switch, and loves to see his family experience life.  

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Fostering Unity Through Common Purpose in Your Staff - Part 1